Discover how to work with fear-based thoughts using IFS and step into your aligned, magnetic self.
Introduction
I recently asked my email subscribers to submit questions to me so I can answer them in upcoming emails and blog posts, as part of my Ask Angel series. The questioner would like to be free from the fear and panic they have endured beginning in childhood. In my response I explore what this part potentially is, how to align with True Self, unblend from the part, and how to build a relationship with this part. I hope this not only helps the person gain clarity on their question but helps you as well to unblock fear to manifest.
On to the Question
From childhood I had a problem of thinking negatively. I only think of bad things like the death of a loved one, accidents, sickness etc and once these thoughts get into my mind, it’s always been hard for to flush them out from my mind. This has made to live in fear and I sometimes panic thinking that these thoughts will come true. How do I set myself free from this.
-This person wishes to remain anonymous.
My Response
This is an excellent question, anonymous, and one I’m sure many people can relate to.
What comes to mind immediately when reading this question is this part of you that’s been around since childhood has been in control for a long time. It sounds like an anxious part, based on you mentioning being worried and fearful. This part gets wrapped up in “worst case scenarios” spirals in fear and panic of all of the “what ifs”.
The Part In Control
Not only has it been in control for a long time, It sounds like with this part of you is taking over, anonymous. What I mean by the part taking over is that we feel that emotion extremely. As you mentioned, you feel fear and panic. This is the part blended with your True Self.
When a part is blended it seems like there is only that emotion, we are unable to think straight. We cannot shift perspective of a situation. In your case, it seems like when this part blends with you, it goes into “worst case scenario” and you can’t see beyond that, and you’re filled with fear and panic.
This is when the practice of unblending from the parts is helpful. We must be unblended from the part to see what the part is worried about realistically, from all angles and viewpoints. We also must be unblended from a part to be able to talk to and connect with that part so we can help it (which I will get to in just a moment).
How To Unblend From a Part
When you notice a part taking over, you are going to acknowledge it by saying something to the effect of, “I see you” or “I feel you”. Thank it for coming up. Our parts love to be acknowledged, validated, and thanked! Then let the part know that you can handle whatever it is that prompted the part to come up in the first place. Finally, ask the part to step back, give you some space, or to take a break.
When asking the part to step back, you are asking it to unblend from True Self. By doing so, True Self you is now in control and the part has become either the copilot or it has taken a break. You will notice that the emotions, body sensations, or thoughts associated with the part, have now become less. They might even be gone if the part took a break. But at the very least, the feelings will be less significant than they were moments ago.
Keep Practicing
Since this part has been around since childhood, it might not listen to you the first few times you attempt to unblend from it. That’s okay! Keep trying. This part is used to being in control, it will take time to build trust with it. The best way to build trust with this part (and the other parts in your system) is to be aligned with your True Self and talk to the part directly.
The 8 C’s Of True Self
First, we need to align with our True Self. According to IFS, we know we are in True Self based off of the 8 C’s.
Curiosity, Creativity, Compassion, Confidence, Clarity, Courage, Calmness, Connectedness
In other words, are you feeling open? Open to possibilities? Open to what is coming up for you at this moment? If we are experiencing at least one of the 8 C’s or openness, we are in True Self.
Next, Ask Yourself
Can you think of a time you felt any one of the 8 C’s?
When was the last time you were curious about something?
Felt confident? Creative?
Felt a sense of calmness come over you?
This is True Self!
A Quick Practice To Align With Your True Self
ake some time to get quiet for a few moments, taking 3 deep, cleansing breaths.
Think about that time you felt like you were in True Self, really notice it. Notice how you were feeling. What do you notice in your body? Can you feel it again right now?
What does it feel like? Maybe you feel relaxed? Or you noticed less tension in your body? Maybe a little tingly? Possibly less “noise” in your mind? This is True Self!
Now that you are in True Self, it’s time to talk to that anxious part. You can do this by asking this part to come up. You might notice feeling increased anxiety when you do, meaning the part is there. Visualize what this part looks like if you can. I’ve noticed that our anxious parts are often younger versions of ourselves, and since you mentioned this part has been around since childhood, it is likely a young you, but they can appear as anything. There’s no wrong answer here.
Connecting With The Anxious Part
Once you’ve visualized the part it’s important to talk to this part. Ask it- how it’s trying to help you? Why is it feeling so anxious? If this part is expressing fears around a past situation, ask yourself how things are different now and let this part know that. This part could be stuck in the past and doesn’t know that you are now an adult with more control over situations, resources, more abilities than you had when you were a child. This can be powerful! Also ask the part what does it need from you to ease some of this anxiety? Then ask this part if it would be willing to step back and allow you to take the lead?
Why This Part Is So Fearful
The main objective here is to understand why this part is feeling so fearful. When you ask questions, it’s important to just listen to what the part has to say. Even if logically it might not make sense (the logic is a part trying to figure things out). What this part is telling you is this part’s truth. Honor that. Validate the part, let it know you are there for it. If you notice other emotions coming up while talking to this part, those are other parts stepping in. My guess is there are parts of you that are angry or annoyed with this part as well. Usually when we have an anxious part that is this in control, other parts try to reign it in, unsuccessfully.
If this is the case, it’s because our parts won’t listen to one another. I like to think of it as bickering siblings. They argue with each other, but they definitely will not listen to each other! This is why it is so important to manage this anxious part while in True Self. If you notice other emotions, ask those parts to step aside. Then check back in with yourself to see if you can feel that openness, curiosity, compassion, whatever it is to tell you that you are in your True Self energy. Then continue talking to this anxious part.
Make It A Practice
You might need to make this a daily or weekly practice, talking to this anxious part, building that relationship. It doesn’t have to be for long, even just a check in with this part to let it know you’re there for it, that it isn’t alone, is very helpful. Give this part an opportunity to be a kid! Visualize it playing, having fun!
It will likely take time for this part to trust you. But once it does, this is when you can take the lead when feeling that fear and panic. This is when you can unblend from this anxious part and help it see things differently, with clarity, more realistically, more in line with your True Self. This is how you set yourself free!
To Summarize
o summarize, know how it feels to be in alignment with your True Self. Begin building a relationship between True Self you and this part. Unblend from the part so you can gain clarity of the situation it is fearful and panicking over. If this part is expressing fears around a past situation, ask yourself how things are different now and let this part know that. This part could be stuck in the past and doesn’t know that you are now an adult with more control over situations, resources, more abilities than you had when you were a child.
Reassure the part that you are there for it, that it is safe. If this part is a younger you, your inner child, allow the part to go play and be a kid. Remember, we can’t “get rid of” our parts but we can give them what they need to break free from what holds them back.
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