How to reconnect to yourself. This is something that has been on my mind recently and wanted to go into more detail and share my story of how I lost myself and reconnected.
Lately, I’ve been feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, stressed, and a little burned out. I was feeling discontent. I was getting up every day to this sense of urgency. What was on my to do list for the day? What could I get done? How much time did I have? It never felt like enough time. My friend and I were just talking about this, and she nailed it with “So you’re wishing for more than 24 hours in a day?”. Yes, I was!
I was stuck in the daily grind. My sleep was being affected, staying up later to try to get some “me time”, which affected my mood and increased my feelings of stress and overwhelm. I realized that by doing this, I was essentially ignoring my intuition, my True Self. I didn’t have time to meditate, work out, tune in. All I focused on was getting things done. But I was exhausted.
I was not well
I’ve spent over a year working with an Integrative medicine doctor to heal my HPA dysfunction, also known as adrenal fatigue. At my appointment last month, we reviewed my labs and how I was feeling, and I had finally gotten to a point where I was doing so much better, feeling so much better. Through the year or so, I’ve implemented numerous lifestyle changes, food, supplements, and as soon as I was feeling better, not as exhausted, more like me, one of my parts started pushing again. It took a bit to recognize it was happening. It creeped up on me. Old habits coming back in, newer habits left to the waste side. I knew that if I didn’t stop this, I was going to be back to where I started.
I Reconnected to Myself
Then I went to Tulum Mexico. My intention was to relax, recharge, rest. This trip became so much more than that. This trip helped me reconnect with my True Self.
I spent a lot of time at Holistika Wellness Center, a two minute walk from my Airbnb. One of the nights, I did a traditional Cacao Ceremony. The idea of the ceremony is to reconnect with your spirit, your True Self, and open yourself up to your inner child to help it heal. It’s rooted in feminine energy, the ability to be, to connect, to love. I knew I was working from more masculine energy lately with the do, do, do that this really spoke to me. I talk more about what feminine and masculine energy is in my last podcast, so please check it out, if you haven’t heard it already!
The ceremony took place in the Domo, or dome at Holistika. It was this beautiful concrete dome building with arches all around, plated with mirror tiles to reflect light. It was stunning. The energy inside was so peaceful, serene, comfortable. They had mats set up around the dome at each arch. So I and the other participants all sat around this big circle with our guides in the center. We did blessings to north, south, east, and west, asking for our ancestors to help us on this journey and giving gratitude. We were given the warm cacao drink to mindfully drink which is to increase the ability to connect with our spirit, our soul, and then we laid down on our matts as our guides offered guidance and a sound bath.
Unblending to reconnect
At first my parts made it difficult to connect with my True Self. Thankfully, I was able to unblend from my parts and work with the ones that were holding on to so much pain from the past. And when I say unblend, I mean I had to envision my parts all lying down on the mats around me. They all wanted to be there, be involved. Really, they wanted to be on top of me! But we compromised with each one getting a mat.
Then I envisioned True Self me going around to each mat and seeing what the part needed or just showing gratitude to the part for the work it’s been doing. Including the taskmaster part of me that has been running things lately. She has been working hard, and I’ve let her. But this is also how I became so disconnected lately.
My Parts Needed to Let Go
The day I did this ceremony was my 11-year sober anniversary. During the ceremony I talked to that part that was still holding on to all this sadness and despair from those years of drinking. This part looked disheveled, disillusioned, hurt, angry, and so sad. She seemed so hopeless. She was slumped over herself on her mat, barely making eye contact with me.
I asked her how she wanted to let go of all the pain, sadness, hopelessness, and hurt she has been holding on to all these years. And she told me that she wanted to smash bottles. Wine bottles, liquor bottles, beer bottles. So, we did! (In my mind’s eye of course, I didn’t start smashing things in the middle of the ceremony!) I let her get it all out, all that rage, anger, sadness, despair came out with each bottle she smashed. When she was finished smashing those bottles, she looked at me I saw a light twinkle in her eyes, a sense of relief and hopefulness filled her body. A smile came across her face. She held herself tall, she looked empowered. It brought tears to my eyes watching this transformation.
There were other parts that I worked with and helped let go of the stuff they were holding onto, including a young version of me wanting to let go of feeling like she wasn’t enough. This had a lot to do with my father growing up. For her she wanted to burn pages of her diary in a big bonfire. So, we also did that. The other parts around us rallying her on.
Burn it all down!
Fun fact, my parts really like to burn things. Doing IFS all these years, I have found that it is very common for our parts to want to burn things as a way of letting go, releasing, unburdening. It’s very cathartic.
After the ceremony, I shared my experience with my partner and cried. I was outside in the jungle at dusk in this beautiful magical place weeping. It was more releasing, integrating, that resulted in a sense of relief.
The Journey Doesn’t End
But the journey doesn’t end there! The next day we signed up to do another experience called Journey into the Soul, it’s described as:
“Past Life Regression Hypnosis is a unique opportunity to explore the depths of your true self and understand key elements of your soul’s journey. Our past life experiences help us identify patterns, recognize strengths, and embrace challenges in our present life as well as giving us clues to our passion and purpose.”
This was located in the Domo as well. Amber, the hypnotherapist who created this experience walked us through what we were going to experience, how she was going to take us back to a recent memory, a past memory, before age 5, then a past life memory to help us identify our soul’s journey and patterns.
Now this was phenomenal. While going through the hypnosis which was Amber walking us down these stairs to a hallway full of doors, choosing the door that felt right, and getting deeper and deeper into the subconscious, I was able to see patterns of how I am more likely to close myself off, my emotions, my intuition. It led me to a very early childhood memory showing me the last time I was “allowed” or felt safe expressing emotions. I was around 3 or 4 years old.
Then, I went into a past life. I opened this door that led to this bright space, it looked like it was made of concrete. There was so much light pouring into the space, it felt warm and inviting. There was a large table with bowls, mortar and pestles, and rows of shelves on the far wall. The shelves were outfitted with small jars of herbs and things.
My Past Life
I saw me, past life me, wearing a white flowy dress with my long brown curly hair tied up on my head with flowers around it like a crown. I was fluttering around the room mixing things up in the bowls. Someone asked if I could help them with an ailment and I was able to deduce that I had to have been a healer. As I watched and was able to fast forward thanks to envisioning a remote control, I was indeed that.
I noticed that I was in tune, using my intuition to guide my decisions as well as my knowledge of what plants I could use to help people. After this session, I went right back to my Airbnb and started journaling all of this. Allowing my logical part to try to make sense of what it saw. Essentially, it was another reminder that I needed to be in touch with all of me. That my soul, my True Self needs to be present. That I must be Self-led, having the parts help but not take over.
What disconnection looks like
You know, all of the things that I have been saying to all of you! It helped me understand why it was so easy to fall back into that default of “doing”, just pushing through and getting things done. And it showed me the work I have to do with that 3 year old me.
However, you don’t need to go to Tulum or on vacation to reconnect to your True Self. You can do this right in the comfort of your own home, out in nature, a park, back yard, wherever calls to you.
When we are disconnected from our True Self we can feel out of alignment, anxious, stressed, burned out, depressed. We can feel unfulfilled, undeservingly, unworthy. Like something is missing. We can be hypercritical of ourselves, our people pleasing, or perfectionist tendencies can spike.
This leads to missing cues from the Universe, miss opportunities, we talk ourselves out of things. Stay in toxic and unhealthy relationships; we are unable to set healthy boundaries. We don’t prioritize ourselves Our self-worth diminishes. We can’t trust ourselves.
How it affects our system
And our nervous system is in a perpetual state of fight, flight, freeze, fawn. Overworking our adrenals.
We want to be in the parasympathetic nervous system state of rest and digest. This is where we can take the opportunity to slow down, connect, unblend from those parts, and shift perception of what is going on, beyond the daily hustle and grind. When we are in this state, we feel safe, secure, we trust in the Universe, in our True Self, and we are able to be aware of our parts trying to step in and take the lead. This also helps us build our self-worth. By getting to a place internally where we can feel safe, secure, and trusting.
How you can reconnect to yourself
Mindfulness is such a buzzword now a days, but for good reason. Mindfulness is the first step. We must be aware of our internal world, our parts, so that we can notice when we are not in tune, disconnected, and then reconnect.
This awareness becomes trust. Trust in ourselves, trust from our parts that we are doing the right thing. This is how we become Self-led, meaning that True Self is in the lead and the parts are copiloting. Instead of the other way around or throwing True Self out the door.
You are probably asking how do you do this? I have a free offer, The Mindfulness Check-In guide.
This will show you through exercises how to tune into you.
Recognize what is going on inside.
What is activating this?
Why are you reacting in this way?
Going further I added two of my tried-and-true skills that I have been teaching clients for years to bring yourself back to center, and move from the sympathetic nervous state of fight, flight, freeze, fawn, to the parasympathetic state of rest and digest.
I want all of you to be able to reconnect to tap into your intuition, connect with your True Self, your authentic self. And I want you all to be able to go from a feeling of stress and overwhelm to a feeling of peace, feeling at ease, contentment. Get the How to Tap Into Your Intuition Guide here!
This is Episode 7 of the True Self Manifestation Podcast.
How to Manifest Without the Self-Sabotage E-Course.
Free Guide How to Tap Into Your Intuition
Find True Self Manifestation here.
Take the quiz! Find out what part is blocking your manifestation.
Read the blog here.
Follow TSM on Instagram.
Like TSM on Facebook.
Follow TSM on TikTok.