Show notes for episode 6, we explore what it means to get curious, internally, and externally. I talk about why this is so powerful, yet often forgotten about. I also give you tips and exercises to get curious without judgment and how you can expand your curiosity.
Before I go into our topic today, I wanted to go a little more in depth on something I discussed in the last episode. I talked about a theory I’ve been working on around manifesting bad things by thinking negatively. I said that the negative thinking is coming from a part and not True Self. if you are not in alignment with your True Self and the Universe, how are you able to manifest?
I’ve been thinking more about this, hence the idea of a working theory. And something popped into my head. It can feel like we are manifesting bad things but in reality, what this is, is patterns, cycles, and loops, based on past programming and conditioning. If you are conditioned to believe that you are undeserving of love, then you are going to subconsciously sabotage relationships maybe by not pursuing a certain person because you think they are out of their league. Or if the only relationships that you’ve witnessed were ones that were unloving, fighting, unhealthy, subconsciously you are going to be more pulled to this type of relationship. It is not that you manifested it. It is that some of the parts only know this and feel comfortable in this space.
So again, it’s not manifestation, it is a subconscious pattern continuing to be played out. And subconscious is the point of this. When it is subconscious, we are not doing it deliberately.
This is why awareness of our patterns and cycles go a long way to stopping them.
With self-awareness, we can make conscious choices not to engage the way we previously have. I know it is easier said than done.
Getting Curious
This is why I wanted to talk about getting curious. Finding curiosity with who you are, what you do, asking yourself why. Without judgment. Without criticism. Instead, being a neutral observer. Someone that is impartial, has no personal preferences, or no judgments.
If this seems a little difficult, a great way to begin is to try to be a neutral observer in all areas of life not just towards yourself.
A great exercise to practice this is to look around your environment and describe it. Without judgment words. For instance, I see white walls, clothes hanging on white clothes racks. I see the window with a blue sky and some clouds. If you don’t know, I record these podcasts in my dressing room. It’s small and the clothes muffle so there isn’t an echo or added noise.
Notice I didn’t say, I see white walls and there’s a smudge over there on one, I should really clean that. And oh those clothes hanging up look like crap and should be rehung.
When we use judgment words it makes us feel some type of way. But when we are a neutral observer, we are just that, neutral.
Practicing this exercise begins to shift your brain’s perception of what you are wanting it to focus on, neutrally observing instead of judgment.
Be a Neutral Observer
Then you can turn inward. Begin reflecting on your day. This can be done in the evenings or before bed. Journaling this is great. Then you can follow patterns. This is not the time to berate yourself for something you said or relive a conversation a million times while getting down on yourself because you thought you were too mean, or the tone was off, or if the other person is mad at you. And this is something I hear again and again over the years from clients. So, I know this happens often, we want to end this. No more nitpicking and beating yourself up.
Instead, you are going to be a neutral observer and then get curious about it.
Getting curious also doesn’t mean getting on yourself for an interaction or situation that happened in the day. Getting curious is following a thread so that you can get to know and understand yourself better.
As you reflect, you can notice that an interaction you had with someone earlier in the day brings up feeling maybe uncomfortable, anxious, shame, guilt. All of these are parts. They are trying to tell you something. By getting curious you are unblending from the part so that you are seeing things through the lens of True Self you. Being able to respond to these feelings with “huh, that’s interesting. I wonder why that’s coming up?” Just ask, and listen, write down what pops up.
Follow the thread
An example of this could be, say you texted a friend, hours go by with no response. Some people can think that they are probably busy and will respond when they can, no big deal. However, someone else might think, “are they mad at me?”. “Did I do something wrong”. This is what you pay attention to. Notice what emotions are coming up, body sensations, this is ow you can tell that a part is activated.
This could play out in different ways, you could continue to be anxious, worried, reliving every past conversation and text exchange you had the past month to see if something was said that resulted in this friend being mad therefore not texting back. Or you could have another part that berates this part that is worried maybe some tough love from the inner critic. Or you could take a breath, and just notice it all and get curious about it.
We want to just ask why it is coming up and follow the thread. Continue to be curious and explore. This is giving you so much information as to what happens internally when external things activate your parts. And as you do this, and you journal you are in essence mapping out your parts.
Getting curious outside of yourself
This is one way to get curious as a way to tune into True Self and identify parts being activated. Getting curious in other ways can help you get into True Self as well.
And that is just to get curious about the world around you. Do you remember a time when you were a kid, and everything seemed new? You explored, you played, you tried new things out, asked questions, built things out of boxes or Legos or play doh. You painted or drew. Now this is also getting into creativity. But I think they go hand in hand.
I remember as a kid my curiosity was endless. This was before the internet. I often asked questions, spent hours at the library looking things up, and exploring new ideas. Also, when I was young I loved building tree houses. I had these railroad tracks down the street from me and near the tracks were some great trees. They weren’t on anyone’s property, it was property of the railroad company, I’m assuming. So, my friends and I built tree houses in those trees. Curiosity to explore. Getting curious about the trees and if the limbs could hold a tree house. Curiosity to rebuild when it would inevitably get torn down by the railroad company. Even when a nail went through my foot and I had to get a tetanus shot, my curiosity didn’t waiver.
Not until I started hearing things like my questions were dumb, or why do I need to know that in reference to what I was asking. Looking back now, I don’t think they knew the answers and instead of saying, I don’t know, it was often thrown back on me. Which made me second guess why I was asking questions.
Why We Lose Curiosity
After a while, I stopped asking. I became anxious to ask anything, even in classes out of fear of looking dumb. Since that is what I was told. I know now that was a part trying to protect a young vulnerable part feeling hurt for being called dumb when all she wanted was answers. But there was always something inside that wanted to ask, wanted to know all the things, wanted to understand. I think that’s a big reason I became a therapist. I wanted to understand how people thought, why they behaved the way they did, why they hurt others, why they would tell a kid that their questions were dumb. Spoiler alert, it’s all past programming, conditioning, their own limiting beliefs, traumas.
As time went on my curiosity sprouted up but would get shut down again. This time by my parts trying to protect me from being hurt. And at times that stopped me from trying new things, exploring, and getting out of my comfort zone. Until I couldn’t take it anymore. And decided I no longer had any fucks to give. I realized it wasn’t dumb to ask questions. It wasn’t ridiculous to be curious about things and further explore them to see where they take me. I wouldn’t be here now if I continued to stifle my curiosity.
Our curiosity can end for so many reasons, it can be like mine with not having supportive role models in my life at a young age, it can be because of other factors from caregivers, societal pressures, and norms. I used to joke that it was a luxury to be curious. To philosophize about life. Who had time for that? Especially women when we are trying to do all the things. But you know what? We need it. We need curiosity and wonder. That is how we connect to our True Self. We are denying ourselves this amazing experience beyond our own world if we don’t get curious.
Masculine and Feminine Energies
I’ve been hearing so often lately about masculine and feminine energy. So much so that I am taking it as a sign from the Universe to further tune into it. Masculine and feminine energy has nothing to do with sex, gender. Everyone has both of these energies. It also doesn’t mean that masculine is aggressive and feminine is passive either. It’s considered the balance, like yin and yang. Masculine energy is explained as Doing, Feminine energy is Being. Open to receive.
The thing is, in our culture, masculine energy is revered. We are always doing. On the go. We aren’t just being. We aren’t allowed to pause, take a break and just be for some time. But we need to be able to do this. This is how we become one with the Universe. The being is how we tap into our intuition, how we get curious, how we are inspired to create. All of that gets shut down if all we are doing is doing.
However, I said that it was a balance, the masculine energy can support the feminine energy. I heard this recently somewhere and if I remember where, I will be sure to add it. But someone said we get inspired when in feminine energy, this is where we can dream, manifest, then the masculine energy can come in and help us actualize this vision. So, we need time to be curious.
If you’re feeling like you are missing that wonder and curiosity, you might be asking, how do I get it back? Or even how do I engage in it more often?
How to Get Curious
You have to prioritize it. I am all for micro acts. I love micro skills. Anything that I can do quickly that has a big impact. No matter what, at this moment, I know that I won’t take hours to just sit and ponder life, not saying that you can’t and that I won’t eventually, just not right this moment.
Instead, I prefer to meet myself where I am at and do small things. Ask myself questions, or when I get an intuitive hit that I should be curious about, I put it in my notes app to explore later, then I allow myself a little bit of time to do it. I give myself permission to let other things be paused and enjoy these moments of wonder. It’s hard, even for me. The struggle is real. But it is something that I am prioritizing, and I invite you all to do the same.
So I ask you, what is something that you have been curious about that you’ve put off? What is something that brings you wonder and awe. It can be something as simple as sitting outside and watching nature. I love watching birds, squirrels, sometimes rabbits, raccoons, and once a deer, in my yard. I also love getting curious about trying new creative things, which right there brings in both curiosity and creativeness-2 of the 8 C’s of True Self. For the past year or so, I’ve been weaving. I make these awesome fiber art wall hangings. I get curious about color combinations and textures of the fibers I use. And the entire process is creative. I also love interior design, so I am online a lot looking at that as well as how to refurbish furniture, which I also enjoy doing.
What Inspires your Curiosity?
So, what’s something you’ve always wanted to do? Is there a hobby? A place to go? Maybe learn a language? Read a different book? Take a class? Join a group or community? What is one step you can take right now to begin embodying curiosity, without judgment? Try it out and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work out, try something new. I’ve tried a million things; you never know if you don’t try. Being curious doesn’t mean you have to stick with something either if it’s ultimately not for you.
I hope this episode inspired you all to be more curious about not only your internal world but getting curious about everything. Don’t forget when turning inward be a neutral observer, no judgment. And as a matter of fact, no judgment on things you want to get curious and explore at all. Let yourself just BE. Thank you all for listening. See you next time!
How To Manifest Without the Self-Sabotage
I want to give a quick reminder to everyone about my E-course that is available, How to Manifest Without the Self-Sabotage. This course uses Internal Family Systems/Parts Work techniques to guide you into tapping into your True Self energy and explore and work with the parts of you that are blocking or sabotaging your manifestations. This is the foundation of how to manifest without the spiritual bypassing, positive thinking only jargon that often just invalidates our parts. By doing this work, you build your self-worth because you learn how to unblend from those parts that are hyper critical, have high expectations, or focused mainly on others instead of on yourself. You gain awareness and understanding of your internal world, why your parts are doing what they do, and how to align with your authentic, True Self, so you can align with the Universe and manifest!
This course includes a video, guided meditation, worksheets, workbook, and infographics, that can be used over and over again with your parts! The link is in the show notes, and you can also find it right on the website, trueselfmanifestation.com. Go check it out. It will change your world!
Links:
How to Manifest Without the Self-Sabotage E-Course.
Free Guide How to Tap Into Your Intuition
Find True Self Manifestation here.
Take the quiz! Find out what part is blocking your manifestation.
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Email: angel@trueselfmanifestation.com
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