Dialogues with Myself, How IFS Enlightened My Love for DIY

by | Jan 22, 2024 | IFS and Parts Work | 0 comments

From sloped floors to self-discovery, what my bathroom remodel taught me so far about self-reliance through an IFS lens and how IFS enlightened my love for DIY.

I’m in the middle of a bathroom remodel. Need I say more??? But really, I love doing projects around my house and have become quite handy through the years. This is something I learned from my mother. She was the parent that had the toolbox and was doing all the things around the house.

From an early age I was her helper. I helped hang and mud drywall, paint, and other small home improvements. My mother thought it was important for us girls (she had 3) to know how to do these things. “You can’t rely on a man” she would often say while we were in the middle of a project. This often went against the other advice I would receive from both her and my dad about finding a man to take care of me. Talk about confusing!

The Lesson I Internalized

Through the years as I kept pushing myself to learn how to do things for myself, especially around the house, I realized that I internalized what my mother said. After a lot of reflection, I had the realization that it came with good reason. I am often let down by people when asking for help.

In all these years and even presently, there has been a lot of false promises made or if they did come through, it wouldn’t be right, resulting in me having to redo it anyway. This often left me feeling frustrated and disappointed. Further strengthening my resolve and this notion that I can just do it myself.

My Self-Reliant Part

Because of this, a part of me doesn’t believe that she can rely on others. Hence why I am doing the bathroom remodel. And since my partner and I work somewhat opposite schedules, and his not as flexible as mine, I have pretty much taken the project on myself to keep it close to the timeline I created.

Early in the project, we realized that the floor sloped considerably more than expected and thought it would be best to hire a professional to fix this before moving forward. Attempting to level a sloped floor so that I can lay ceramic tiles seemed like too big of a project for us to take on, especially with work schedules and our short timeline.

Unfortunately, the people we contacted both had to back out last minute, essentially leaving in a pickle. That’s when this part stepped up and declared that we could do it ourselves. And you know what? We are! After a deep dive into researching sloped floors (YouTube has become my bestie!) and the best way for us to go about fixing them, based on skill level and capacity, of course, I found the answer and I am in the middle of it right now. So far so good! Honestly, I can’t wait to lay the ceramic tiles next. I have always wanted to do this, and I finally get my chance.

Why do I bring this all up?

There’s a reason I have learned how to do things for myself, sometimes very stubbornly. Have I mentioned I did all my own paperwork for my divorce from my first marriage? “Who needs lawyers?” this part of me said. She was right, but it was a huge pain in my ass! This is why I say stubborn. This goes way back to when I was young and has been fortified throughout my adult life.

 I have worn this self-reliance and independence like a badge of honor for so many years. I get a kick out of being able to do things for myself, like changing out ceiling fans, and installing new lighting, learning how to use power tools (I used a circular saw for the first time yesterday and it was super fun!), repurposing and reupholstering furniture, stripping woodwork and so on.

The Other Side Of Self-Reliance

But it also comes with setbacks and stress. Like losing large amounts of time researching how to do things and taking the time to do them when I could be doing other things I enjoy. Not to say that I don’t enjoy doing this stuff, because I really do.

But I must question if I enjoy it because of the control factor or because I truly enjoy it. I say control factor because when I know how to do things for myself, I have control of the situation, and the outcomes.

Take TSM for example. I built this brand from the bottom up. Which are what entrepreneurs all do. But instead of hiring support as needed, I learned web design and built my website, I learned the ins and outs to setting up email campaigns, marketing, learned the websites that house my programs and the ones that make things run smoothly in the background, I edit all my podcasts, I take and edit all my brand photos, and design and make all of my posts and reels for IG and Pinterest. I’ve become obsessed with Canva!

I am always learning new things, therefore always tweaking. I recently revamped my website, which was a lot of fun but also a headache when the fonts wouldn’t show up correctly! But this, TSM, is where I feel I need to be in the most control. It’s my baby. I can’t imagine having to reach out to someone every time I want to post a new blog post, change something on my website, or add a webpage, or every time I record a podcast. To me, it’s just easier for me to do it.

The Extremes

I’m not saying that it is a bad thing if you hire help or reach out for support. I am self-reliant and independent to the extreme. And I will admit, it is extreme.

 Everybody’s experience is different. There are others who didn’t have the experiences I had and have no problem reaching out for help with things. This is usually because they have a history of support to back that up, people showed up. Maybe they haven’t experienced the same level of being let down that I have. And this is a good thing! I think that it is very healthy.

However, this could also go in a different direction as well. This person could become too dependent and not feel confident enough to take on a challenge. Feeling incapable of doing things on their own. I’ve often seen this manifest in having to get multiple people’s opinions before making decisions about most things in life as well, not just asking for help with tasks. This is the other extreme.

Finding The Balance

Why I share all of this is because, there needs to be balance. Too independent is not helpful, too dependent is not helpful. Although as I typed this that independent part popped in and said she disagreed with me!  

I’ve learned that we often go from one extreme to another before finding this balance. Personally, I don’t know if this part of me would ever allow myself to go to the extreme of being super dependent. But through some work with her, we can definitely find balance. Maybe not take on so many things, delegate more, build trust in others, so that we can focus on what is most important.

How do we do this?

It’s all about self-awareness, recognizing actions, behaviors, thoughts, and feelings, as parts. And then deciding what could be more helpful to you as a whole, that is in alignment with your True Self, your goals, and your manifestations.

Reflecting on this, what are some ways your parts take over that has been extremely helpful for you? Maybe built character? Made you the person you are proud of being today? Could you let some of this go so you can be more balanced and in alignment with your wants, needs, goals, and manifestations? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!

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Hey there, I´m Angel

This is my little corner of the internet where I share all things about manifestation and Internal Family Systems. I’ll share my insights, knowledge, and tips, so that I can help you manifest the life you’ve always wanted!

 

 

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