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Manifesting Love
Manifesting love is on top for things to manifest. However, there are many ways relationship blocks show up. If you notice something blocking you from you manifesting that right person, this is what’s going on.
We’re all looking for love. That special person we can share experiences with, connect to. laugh with and have great sex with. We’re on the dating apps, we’re checking people out in the produce isle of the grocery stores, we’re asking friends if they know someone that would check off all the boxes on our list. The same list that gets increasingly larger and larger with every bad date, creepy interaction, or just plain let down.
Maybe you feel like you’re open to receive that almost perfect someone. Because remember, nobody is perfect. Perfection is a myth. Yet, you feel like you keep attracting the same type of person that you don’t want.
You might be asking yourself why do I keep finding myself in the same types of relationships?
Relationship blocks like any other blocks are patterns and cycles in our subconscious that continue to play out in relationships despite wanting to manifest different results. But first, let me share a little background on Internal Family Systems and manifestation, my method to manifestation so you can see where I’m coming from. You can always skip over this part if you would like!
Introduction to Manifestation with Internal Family Systems (IFS)
There are so many ways one can manifest. And I am not saying those other ways or methods are wrong, I am just saying that those methods might not work for everyone. We are all unique and need different ways to obtain the same goals or dreams that we are manifesting. My method of manifestation uses Internal Family Systems (IFS).
Unlike other manifestation methods that often dismiss, invalidate, or dismiss any emotions that aren’t positive, this one focuses on addressing the subconscious blocks (those uncomfortable emotions) that get in the way of manifesting. IFS also focuses on bringing us into alignment with our True Self, to become Self-Led, and connected to the Universe. This is how you manifest your most amazing life! But first…
What is Manifestation?
Manifestation is the process of transforming your desires and ideas into reality. It is based on the belief that the Universe is constantly giving you what you focus on, so by focusing on your desires, through intentional actions, you can manifest them into your life.
And for manifestation to work we must believe in ourselves. And really truly believe it to our core. We must believe that we can have what we desire.
The Importance of Self-Worth
You probably have seen so many people manifesting successfully, and you don’t get how that is happening. Maybe because they aren’t “good” people. This is the thing. It’s not about good or bad when it comes to self-worth, people can be selfish, self-righteous, unkind, but they believe in themselves. They have high self-worth.
The secret to manifestation is being in our worth.
This is fundamental. This is the key to manifesting. And it’s not talked about enough. It’s bypassed so often with an unspoken assumption that we are in our worth.
Unfortunately, there are subconscious reasons why we don’t feel worthy of what we are trying to manifest. These are the past programming conditioning, and limiting beliefs that our parts are holding onto.
Addressing Subconscious Blocks
To manifest effectively, we need to delve into our subconscious minds, get to the root of those blocks. Those reasons we are not manifesting the things we desire. Positive thinking is helpful but not enough to create profound shifts. This is because positive thinking is done on a conscious level. Our blocks are in our subconscious. Once we work through these blocks instead of ignoring, avoiding, or dismissing them, then we can use positive thinking. Then it won’t feel like there is something inside fighting us or not believing us. Real manifestation happens once we are in our worth; by addressing the root of our thoughts and feelings, we unlock the incredible potential to manifest our dreams into reality. This is where Internal Family Systems comes in.
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
I view the world through the lens of Internal Family Systems (it’s the therapist in me!). I believe IFS not only works in a therapeutic setting but also within manifestation.
According to IFS, we are composed of many parts, aspects of our personality, and our True Self. Our parts and True Self work together, and our True Self is what connects us to the Universe. It is our higher self, our authentic self. Our parts are what make us human. However, our parts can also take on new jobs and roles based on our experiences. Particularly in childhood/adolescence. IFS helps us connect with these parts of us building relationships and trust within our internal world. No longer having that internal struggle, being pulled in many directions, or second guessing ourselves or our abilities. IFS brings healing and harmony to our internal system, just the way it was intended to be.
Understanding Our Parts
Our parts take on new roles and jobs as a way to protect us, keep us and our internal system safe. Even if it doesn’t seem like it’s the best thing to do, especially as our experiences change. These parts of us are so impacted by our experiences, they internalize them often leading to programming, conditioning, limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, unhealthy behaviors, and ultimately low self-worth. Remember-we must be in our worth to manifest.
Often times, our parts take over. They blend with our True Self, and we are then only operating from a place of past programming, conditioning, and limiting beliefs. This is not the place we want to be when we are trying to manifest!
Using principles of IFS, we learn how to align with our True Self, connect with our parts, and build trusting relationships within the system. By building that trust and relationship, the parts learn that it is safe to allow our True Self to take the lead. We can also work with these parts holding the past programming, conditioning, and limiting beliefs, so they can begin to heal, let go, and feel safe. This is where the magic happens!
Connecting with Your True Self
True Self, also known as our authentic self or higher self, is our intuitive guide. When we are in True Self, we are open to the Universe and can receive what it offers. Accessing True Self energy means being present, connected to our bodies, and aligned with the creative consciousness of the Universe.
Knowing you’re in True Self involves experiencing at least one of the 8 C’s: compassion, curiosity, clarity, creativity, calm, confidence, courage, and connectedness. In other words, are you feeling open? These qualities signify that you are aligned with your True Self and ready to co-create the life you desire with the Universe.
Becoming Self-Led
The more we go inward, talk to our parts, build a relationship, the more we become Self-led. The more we become Self-led, the more we are opening ourselves up to the Universe. We feel inherently worthy, deserving, of what we are trying to manifest. This is because the parts are no longer jumping in based on what happened in the past. Instead, they feel safe and secure to let our True Self take the lead.
This creates internal harmony and opens us up to the Universe. By working with our parts, we can heal from past programming and limiting beliefs, making space for our manifestations to flow in.
Manifesting Love Blocks
You long for someone that is emotionally available, who will show up for you. Yet, emotionally unavailable people keep crossing your path. Or maybe it’s codependency, narcissism, people you think you’re connecting with until you realize you’re actually trauma bonding.
Or you fall into patterns of people pleasing as a means of keeping them from leaving you. You want to keep them happy, to show your value. There could be that “push-pull” where you find someone you like and connect with, but then push them away through arguments or other behaviors.
Or you are so used to chaos that when things are calm and peaceful you think that you’re incompatible and the person is boring.
Maybe deep down you feel unworthy of a healthy relationship, putting others on pedestals, thinking you’re not good enough for this person. That you’re unlovable if they see the “real” you. All of this keeps you from your path.
These examples are what I would consider bigger relationship blocks. However, these blocks could show up in small ways too. Where we are conditioned to think about relationships, significance of them, gender roles, or how parents or caregivers treated one another.
These Relationship Blocks are Rooted in the Subconscious
These parts of you have picked up programming and conditioning based on your environment growing up. Some of these parts are vulnerable parts, they are seeking out what hurt them as a “do over” in a way. The vulnerable part is looking for vindication, love, validation, that it didn’t receive growing up. However, it seeks this through the same type of person that hurt you in the first place. This is how the cycle continues. Then other parts, protector parts, will play rolls as well. Often, it’s not just one part, it’s a system of parts working together off of this past programming and conditioning.
Let Me Break this Down…
If you grew up in a household where your parents/caregivers often fought, parts of you latches on to the idea that this is how relationships are. Then they hold on to this belief. The parts become confused when things are calm, say If you have a partner that prefers to talk out an argument or disagreement instead of fight and lash out.
And they are more likely to fight when there is a perceived threat or attack. The parts play out this cycle, pushing fights, getting defensive, thinking this is the only way to resolve any form of conflict.
Or, if you grew up with one of the parents or caregivers being domineering, aggressive, authoritative, or abusive, then the parts will attempt to avoid conflict. These parts will work to try to keep you safe, to not trigger the parents or caregivers. This often results in not speaking up for yourself in relationships, people pleasing, and ultimately losing a sense of yourself in the relationship out of fear of upsetting the person and “setting them off”.
Even if that person doesn’t act like the parents or caregivers. The parts don’t know that they are different people. This is because these parts are stuck in the past. Rationally, which is also a part, you will know that your partner is not the parent or caregiver, but when the other parts are activated, the rational part gets pushed out and the other parts become blended with True Self. This results in feeling like you have lost control. Overwhelmed with emotions.
Can You Think of a Time this Has Happened?
Feeling overwhelmed with emotions that it becomes too difficult to see the situation for what it really is? Or an urge to behave a certain way?, such as people pleasing or codependency?
This is what I mean when I say that a part is blended with True Self. Afterwards, you might be able to see the reality of the situation. This is where other parts tend to come in, a part of you that feels shame or regret for your behavior or reaction. You could notice negative self-talk, a part of you that is being hyper critical of yourself. Or you could have self-compassion, use this to gain awareness and insight into your internal world.
Similar scenarios also activate parts. As I mentioned before, if you are attempting to find someone that is emotionally available but grew up with parents or caregivers that were emotionally unavailable a part of you is going to gravitate to the emotionally unavailable because, one, it’s familiar, and two it is trying to get it’s needs met through that familiarity. But unless that person is working on themselves to undo their own programming and conditioning, it’s futile. And the cycle continues until you stop it.
My Relationship Blocks
For me, I grew up in an emotionally unavailable household. If I showed emotions then I would be told that I was being “dramatic”, “too much”, to “suck it up”, or some other invalidating thing was said to me.
Some of my parts learned that they needed to shut emotions down. They equated showing emotions to being unlovable. They felt that it wasn’t safe to show emotions. Although not all emotions were shut down. Anger was an acceptable emotion in my household. Anger could be shown. It wasn’t shown in a healthy or productive way, but my parts realized that anger was an acceptable emotion.
This Became a Tangled Web
That needed to be carefully and thoughtfully untangled. I didn’t know it at the time though. When I began dating I, being emotionally unavailable myself, went for other emotionally unavailable people. These relationships weren’t great by any means. Early in my dating years, I went through a particularly difficult period of time, The weight of everything I was holding became unbearable and I remember breaking down one day and crying to him. This apparently crossed a line because I was told that I was weak, that he thought I was stronger than this, that he couldn’t date me anymore because I was “too much” and broke up with me.
Now he didn’t actually say this to me. But this is how he did it. He borrowed money from me before I left to go to work, planning for me to return after work. When I got back to his place, he changed the locks using the money he borrowed from me, needless to say I didn’t get that money back! I found a note duct taped to the door saying that I was weak, that he thought I was stronger than this, pretty much that I disappointed him and his perception of me came crashing down.
I was so hurt by it and so angry. Rationally (a part), I knew this was for the best, but it perpetuated that feeling of being unlovable (vulnerable part). For a long time after this, my parts upped their shields of defense to show no emotions. To always be strong. Emotions equaled weakness. Weakness equaled being unlovable. It took years of deprogramming to undo this and to be able to show emotions, besides anger. I really wish I had IFS back then. It would have been a much quicker process.
The Parts in My Relationship Blocks
As I continued to work on becoming emotionally available, I was still in emotionally unavailable relationships. My partner at that time was not on the same path as I was so for this reason and many others, we eventually parted ways. And I had to continue working on myself, untangling that web to break the programming those parts held onto so tightly. Then I could feel internally lovable and worthy. To be open to and accept a partner that was emotionally available. In other words, manifest the partner I wanted without these blocks being in the way.
I want to identify the parts in this system that were working on my behalf based on what they learned in my childhood so that you, dear lister, can get a full picture of how these parts worked together.
The vulnerable part was the one holding the hurt and pain from being invalidated when showing emotions. The vulnerable part became exiled away in the system by protector parts in an attempt to protect the whole system from feeling that hurt and pain.
This part was activated in the relationship I gave in the example. The reaction, the hurt this part felt wasn’t just the hurt from what they said but the part was also carrying the hurt from childhood.
This is why sometimes our reactions don’t match the situation
It’s because the part is not only reacting to the present situation but also all the past situations associated with it. This is the baggage we carry from relationship to relationship.
With a vulnerable part, there are protector parts. As previously mentioned, protector parts try really hard not to activate the vulnerable part. They have positive intentions; however, they often unknowingly go about it in a way that often times hurts the system, not help it.
They do what they know and what has worked in the past. For me, these were the parts that shut down emotions. They were always on guard, not willing to let anyone see me upset. If I did show emotions, because the protector parts can’t always do these jobs, and are usually overworked and exhausted, a hyper critical part would come up. This part would berate me for showing emotions. This critical part often sounded like my parents. Another part in the system was the anger part, or as I like to call her, my rage-y part. She was also on full alert all the time. Willing to fight anyone that even considered hurting me.
Anger is Sad’s Bodyguard
Have you ever heard the phrase, “anger is sad’s bodyguard”? For me, this was truth. Sometimes it can be “anxiety is sad’s bodyguard”, or other parts attempting to protect the system from feeling that sadness. For me, it was anger. A little side note on that-anger can be very healthy and productive if funneled correctly. Anger is the catalyst to change. Anger tells us when someone is pushing a boundary. Women are often conditioned at a young age that it’s not appropriate to show anger. To that, my rage-y part says they can piss off.
I’ve said this before on here, my rage-y part always wants to burn the mother fucker down. Do I let her? No, I would probably be in jail right now if I did. Instead, her anger and rage funnel through True Self me where I can direct it effectively. Do I sometimes yell at bad drivers, yes. But I have stopped getting out of my car and going after someone that almost hit me once I started learning how to control this more effectively.
How we see the world and how we show up in the world are based on our conditioning and programming. And it’s our parts that are programmed and conditioned.
As I had mentioned earlier, these blocks could also show up in more subtle ways of how we are conditioned based on what we saw in our environment. But they are still blocks nonetheless.
Our Baggage Blocks Manifesting Love
We’re all holding baggage. We’re all conditioned in so many ways that play out in our day to day lives. We don’t even realize what is happening until we step back and reflect on it. Follow the thread as I like to say and see where the root is. This gives us an abundant amount of information. Even thinking about behaviors like people pleasing, going into caretaker mode, and codependency. These are parts that have somehow learned that they need to act this way in order to be loved, and it doesn’t have to be in romantic relationships, either. These behaviors can pop up in all areas of interpersonal relationships. Friendships, work with boss and coworkers, neighbors.
When we push against that conditioning it feels uncomfortable. This is only because the parts aren’t following the same pattern, the same cycle. The fear of the unknown becomes very prevalent. Even though they aren’t happy in these patterns and cycles, they are comfortable with this conditioning. They would rather be comfortable than sitting in discomfort. But discomfort is where we grow.
Let’s Look at it Through Neuroscience Lens
Because of conditioning and programming neural pathways in our brain were created. Neural pathways are a result of thoughts and behaviors. This is how habits are formed. How we learn things. And as we learn something new, it makes a new pathways and as we continue to practice whatever we learned the pathway becomes stronger.
Patterns in our thoughts and behaviors are due to these neural pathways being created and strengthened. For instance, if we have only seen relationships that are unhealthy- we usually gravitate to those same types of relationships, because this is what our brain understands, knows, and feels comfortable in.
But if we get into a healthy relationship, there are no neural pathways to guide us. No pattern. This is when it can feel uncomfortable for our parts. Our parts like to know what’s up. When something is new our parts get thrown off. They try to resist, thinking that this is the only way they know, wanting to stay on that conditioned pathway even if it is not the healthiest. It’s considered the “safest”. But it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong. It just means that our brains need to make new neural pathways.
The great thing is-we have neuroplasticity. The brain constantly makes new neural pathways, without us even realizing it. We have new experiences, learn new information, new memories. The brain is always adapting and making new pathways.
Our brain is always adapting, changing. We just need to reassure the parts that this is okay. That the system as a whole is safe as we pivot, change, adapt, and grow. We can help our parts break the patterns and cycles from the programming and conditioning.
Use the Past as a Guide to Our Present and Future
We can look to the past to understand why we subconsciously block our manifestations.
People don’t like looking at the past. They often judge themselves for getting caught up on something that happened so long ago. I hear “the past is the past” a lot. Or “the past doesn’t bother me” This is a part btw, usually a rational part that really believes it. The other parts haven’t gotten this memo though. And if they did from this part, they wouldn’t listen to it. They only will listen to True Self. The past is where all of this is held.
So, I ask you this-
what if we stopped judging ourselves? Just because we got caught up in the past, in those patterns and cycles of conditioning, and instead use it as an opportunity to further expand ourselves to who we want to be in the present and future? And recognize it’s just the brain doing what it does. But thank God for neuroplasticity.
It’s these seemingly small things that can bring so much light into a past hurt that continues to control how we think of ourselves and the world, our interactions with others, our moving forward with our hopes, dreams, and goals we are trying to manifest.
You Might Wonder…
Angel what do you do from here? I’ll start by telling you what I did-
I worked with these parts of me, healing the vulnerable part, unblending from the protector parts and giving some new jobs or roles. I built trust and a relationship between these parts and my True Self. So, they would allow True Self me to be in the lead. Is it perfect? No, but again perfection is a myth. We will never be perfect. But if we can work with our parts so that they will trust that True Self us knows what’s best, and it does intuitively, then those parts will no longer block us from manifesting the love we want. We will also no longer be trying to recreate past scenarios for these “do overs” because that part will no longer need that external validation. It can and will get everything it needs from True Self us.
If you want to start now-notice something small in your life, something that might cause discomfort or reaction within yourself and see if you can follow the thread to the part of you that is holding on to something that it doesn’t need to anymore.
Then Practice Self-Compassion
To gain awareness and insight into your internal world. It can be hard to unblend from a part at first. However, if you can reflect after this happens, follow the thread of what activated the part, notice thoughts, feelings, body sensations that came up before or as the part was blending, this gives you insight on how to catch it sooner. When you show yourself compassion, that means True Self is present. This is when your perspective shifts, free from judgment. If there is judgment, this is a critical part, ask it to step aside so you can reflect without the criticism, shame, and judgment. This is how you can become aware of your parts and start taking the lead as True Self.
That’s the magic of our True Self. We have the ability inside of us to heal ourselves, to right the wrongs, break the patterns and cycles from past programming and conditioning. To feel internally lovable and worthy. This is when you become aligned and connected to the Universe and when you become unstoppable.
And who doesn’t want that???
Happy manifesting!
If this Piqued Your Interest…
I want to invite you to check out my two-part series: Unlocking Your Inner Magnetism, A Journey of Self-Love and Manifestation.
In this two-part series on Unlocking Your Inner Magnetism, A Journey of Self-Love and Manifestation, I talk all about self-compassion, self-love, why they are important in manifestation, how practices to boost self-compassion and self-love unlock your inner magnetism, and offer daily practices to increase self-compassion and self-love within yourself with a bonus on how to engage with your parts.
Links
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Get your FREE Manifest Love eBook here!
Find True Self Manifestation here.
Free How to Tap Into Your Intuition Guide
How to Manifest Without the Self-Sabotage E-Course.
Free Quiz- Are Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Manifestations?
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Email: angel@trueselfmanifestation.com
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